Mayor Emanuel Says Recent Rash of I-Phone Robberies on CTA is Simple people Ungrading Their Phones

Mayor Emanual, while at a ribbon cutting ceremony for the opening of a new daycare center in the Rogers Park neighborhood, was confronted by a group of angry citizens who wanted to know what he would do to stop the rash of cellphone robberies occurring on the CTA. A caught off guard Mayor held his ground stating " Robberies? What robberies? There are no cellphone robberies on the CTA, only young men wishing to upgrade their free "Obama Phones" that we should remember only gives them 250 free minutes a month and also remember that phone is a basic bare knuckles phone, we are talking about. I don't see anything wrong with people wanting to upgrade their phone. As I've stated in the past we've eliminated unwanted children by supporting a woman's right to choose,we've eliminated homicides in our city by supporting a community's right to choose and we have now eliminated CTA robberies by supporting a young inner-city man's right to choose. If you would check our official statistics at cityofchicago.org, you would see the great job we've done totally eliminating most crimes in the city since I have taken office."